One Foot Out The Door

How do you know you are living your best life? Is the path you have chosen the right path or are you just settling? Are you dreams worth pursuing or are they just silly ideas you talk about with your friends or partner after a couple of drinks?

These are some questions my husband and I have been seriously asking ourselves over the last few months. The answer we have come up with….. Lets sell everything we own, including our house, and take our 7 month old baby and 4 year old Beagle around the world.

Wow. That was a scary sentence to write.

Up until now travelling is just something we have talked about longingly over a couple of drinks getting all excited until reality comes crashing down around us and we realise we are parents and we have responsibilities. We were both well travelled before we met and we had great plans to travel when we got together but life has thrown us a lot of curve balls and challenges that have always made travel hard. I will write another post going into more detail on our curve balls later.

The big decision…

I would love to tell you there was one big defining moment when I just suddenly woke up, turned to my husband Jared and said something like “why are we working so hard to pay for this big house and all this stuff” and although that discussion defiantly happened it was a lot more subtle and took place over a few months.

There is nothing like having a baby to put life into perspective and make you re-evaluate your whole life. Our son Logan was born at 28 weeks into a usually 41 week pregnancy, and spent 4 months in hospital. That was defiantly our toughest challenge as a couple and started these more serious discussions about what we are doing with our lives and what our priorities are. Before Logan was born I was working 14hr days and flying from Sydney to Queensland for work once a month and that is defiantly not something I can imagine going back to now that Logan is in our lives. After all we have children to spend time with them don’t we? Faced with the reality of going back to work I started really seriously thinking about what my new career path would be and nothing I came up with sounded like the right decision.

Where to Start….

So you have made the hard decision, but how do you start? Don’t worry. I am still asking myself this too. The first thing we did was call a real-estate agent to come and look at the house and tell us what we need to do to get it onto the market and how much the thinks we will get for the house. We were very surprised; apparently our house has made some money. I will go more into that once the house is sold but since it’s not even on the market yet you might have to wait a few months. The second step was to call some builders to quote the work that needs to happen and I am hopefully receiving a quote later today and i have all my fingers and toes crossed that it doesn’t hurt our travel fund too much. Apart from these two big steps I have been de-cluttering. I had actually started the de-cluttering process a few months ago trying to get my 5 bedroom, cluttered house down towards minimalism by selling stuff we don’t need or use on gumtree (the Australian version of Craigslist) or Facebook buy, sell, swap. So how do you de-clutter? For me I tend to stand in the middle of a room saying over and over where to start. I think the best way is layers, start with a room and just grab a few things that jump out at you that you can safely say you don’t want, then move on to another room and come back later and more things will jump out.

What’s next?

Next two people with no DIY skills will start to tackle the list from our real-estate agent, as well as waiting for quotes from some professionals for the stuff we know we cannot do, like replacing the balcony. I will continue to de-clutter and sell everything I can, however my house looking like a messy antiques store is starting to stress me out a bit so we might have to do a charity shop drop off soon. The desire to just run is high, I think once you have decided to change your life drastically it’s disheartening to go slow and do it right, thus constant motivation is key. We stay motivated mostly through YouTube videos of travellers, places to visit, tiny home and van-life vlogs. Talking about all the different options is import as well to keep the dream alive. We are still trying to figure out what the plan exactly is but at the moment it looks something like this

1) Sell all our crap

2) Sell the house

3) Tell our families

4) Travel round Australia a bit in our off road camper trailer

5) Attend the 3 or 4 wedding we are currently invited to including my sisters

6) Figure out how to ship Jared’s car to England

7) Fly to England and stay with my Nanny (should possibly tell her first)

8) Buy a caravan or trailer and convert to some sort of home (possibly gain DIY skills before this step)

9) Start travelling

Well that’s all for my very first blog post. Remember you dreams deserve centre stage and not to be stuck in the wings.

Featured post

Fraser Island


I am not sure how I can accurately describe Fraser Island. It seems almost like a magical island to me with an ever changing landscape and hidden gems around every corner. It’s the kind of place you instantly want to become a part of and keep as something that is just yours.

We spent the days exploring the whole island I can easily say my favourite day was the day we drove up to the top of the island where the light house is located. The drive up the beach is stunning with nothing but blue skies and clear blue sea, as well as all the wildlife you could want. We saw pelicans, fish, whales, dolphins and dingos. Once you start to reach the top of the island and turn a corner the scenery changes and giant white sand dunes suddenly tower over you from the left whilst on the right the ocean which is now dead calm has somehow managed to become even more crystal clear and the sand is defiantly whiter. Even though there are sharks in the ocean and swimming isn’t advised we couldn’t resist taking a quick dip in the shallows of this paradise shoreline. After the boys climbed the dunes and raced back down to the bottom we continued on to the base of the lighthouse.

I am not going to lie, the walk up to the lighthouse almost killed me but boy was it worth it! Unexpectedly once you reach the top you are not only met with a lighthouse but tiny cottages and plaques detailing the lives of the families stationed up on the top of the hill under the shadow of the lighthouse. The Lighthouse itself is a beautiful old fashioned lighthouse soaring up into the endless blue sky and defiantly worthy of a picture. I would defiantly recommend bringing water on the hike up as it’s a mix of steep hills and walking on sand which can get tiring.

I’m not sure I can pick favourite places on the Island but one of my top picks is defiantly the four wheel drive track snaking through the middle of the island from lake Wabby all the way through the centre and up towards Moon Point on the other side of the island. This track has everything moving from bushland to rainforest then opening up again to fields of mangroves. There are hills with beautiful vistas of the ocean sparkling in the distance behind a carpet of greenery. The crowning jewel is the beauty that waits when you finally reach the beach on the other side with its empty beaches and pristine water and more of that dazzling white sand.

If you’re wondering about camping on the Island we camped in one of the dingo fenced campsites called Dundubara, which was great although something we were not aware of was the need for $2 coins for the showers so make sure you stock up on those. We found our campsite to be perfectly placed on the Island for seeing all the sites as we were pretty close to the middle. We also visited Waddy point camp ground which was very nice and great for families as it’s also Dingo fenced and has a playground however it is further up the Island. As far as camping on the beach it was rather crowded when we were there and we did happen to see three beautiful Dingo cubs playfully pulling all of someone’s belongings out of their tent and dragging them along the beach which ended in a sibling game of tug-a-war over a towel that unfortunately we didn’t get to stay to see who won.

We visited most of the lakes on the inside tracks of the island and of course Lake McKenzie is the most beautiful despite being bit crowded.  If you want the chance to see little turtles head on up to Lake Allom however I wouldn’t recommend swimming here. Lake Boomanjin and Lake Birrabeen are also worth a visit as you will find them beautiful and a lot less crowded than Lake McKenzie. As far as other points of interest on the Island I think the Mahino wreck is defiantly worth a visit however its crowded especially during school holidays and the Tailor fishing season, and the champagne pools are worth at least one visit if not two. I have seen a lot of hype around Eli creek however I found it to be Beautiful but underwhelming and preferred a lot of other places on the island over Eli Creek. Lake Wabby was another hyped up site with its giant sand dune that was defiantly worth a look at from the lookout however the water smelt funny and wasn’t good for swimming and after the hike to get there over the sand dune we defiantly wanted a swim.

At the end of the trip it was clear Fraser Island had stolen our hearts and I highly recommend everyone add it to the top of their bucket lists. If four wheel driving is not something you are confident with there are introductory courses all over Australia you can go to that will teach you some of the tricks and tips and the dos and must not do’s, to give you more confidence and make you a far safer 4WDer whilst out on the trackers. We highly encourage everybody intending to drive off road to get formal training from a professional licensed instructor, and we would definitely recommend the Australian 4WD Academy for anyone and everyone. However the Island is full of a mix of tourists who are not so sure what they are doing (as we discovered in more than one instance) and experienced four wheel drivers who are always happy to help you get out of a bind and offer some advice to those who need it. Apart from a couple of spots that where a bit tricky most of it was fairly tame driving, particularly in our vehicle which has been set up to handle those conditions. There are also tours that operate on the island that do the driving for you in special four wheel drive busses or that cram people into the back of modified 4WDs and go in tag-a-long groups, but I highly recommend renting a four wheel drive from one of the many companies on the mainland and having a go yourself.

We spent seven days all up on the Island, however if I was planning again I would go for a bit longer maybe nine or ten days so that I could explore a bit more of the internal island and have a chance to hit a few of my favourite spots again. I guess we will just have to go again in a few years and explore it all again which is just fine with me. Even though we are about to travel around the world I think it will take a lot to bump Fraser out of the favourites column……if anything ever does.



Stocking up on those hospital frequent flyer points

ambulance architecture building business
Photo by Pixabay on


Well. What can I say but this last week has been slow on progress due to Logan constantly teething. Two weeks ago Logan didn’t have any teeth and now four have broken through! Monday night we couldn’t get him to sleep until 11pm, Tuesday we had friends around to plaster the ceiling where we had the original light fittings removed and down lights installed a few months ago, Wednesday was another teething night and Logan didn’t go to sleep till late and Thursday we managed to paint the second coat on Logan’s room. Friday we did a few touch ups in Logan’s room and taped up the upstairs bathroom ready for a busy weekend of painting. We had a babysitter organised for Sunday so we could paint as much of the upstairs as possible and plans to go and meet our new little niece so a big weekend planned, however as always life has other plans for us almost always involving hospital.

I wasn’t feeling too well most of Friday night with a slight headache and a bit of an upset stomach and just as we were getting ready to go to bed I started to feel worse. Jared suggested I go to the toilet and hop into bed and sleep it off. I was sitting on the toilet and I remember saying to Jared “I think I’m going to pass out” and then next thing I know I can hear Jared yelling and I can see blood. Lots of blood. It took me a few seconds to realise what was going on and to sit up, Jared couldn’t get into the room as I was blocking the door. There was a surprising amount of blood on the floor and I couldn’t understand where it was coming from at first. At least not until Jared put some tissue on my head and told me I had a big cut in the middle of my forehead that might need stiches. My left cheek was hurting and it was getting hard to keep my left eye open. Whilst I was sitting on the bathroom floor trying to get the strength to stand Jared called an ambulance which I thought was overkill at the time and called his mum to come watch Logan. We moved to the couch to wait for Carol to arrive so Jared could take me to get my head checked out.

I started to feel better sitting on the couch although I was incredibly cold, so cold I thought I would never get warm again. I have passed out a few times starting when I was eleven. To my supreme embarrassment I passed out at a school assembly in front of the whole junior and senior school as well as the school founder and Chaplin and all the teachers. It must have been a special occasion considering everyone was there. Since then I have passed out, on average, once every year or so and no-one seems to know why. I have been to hospital a few times and they have just checked my blood pressure and sugar levels and sent me on my way. I usually get enough warning to either tell someone I am passing out or most of the time to at least sit down. After my pass outs I am usually lethargic all day and a bit shaky, but this time was a bit different because minutes after Jared’s mum Carol arrived I knew I was going to pass out again. Luckily I was already sitting down and had people around me this time.

Jared called the ambulance phone operator back to check on where the ambulance was and she directed Jared to put me on the floor in the recovery position so that I wouldn’t hurt myself. The ambulance arrived a few minutes later and started asking me lots of questions whilst checking my vitals. They said my blood pressure was extremely low and they wanted to put some fluid into me before they tried to walk me out to the ambulance since they couldn’t get the stretcher to the door. Whilst they were looking for a vein to put a cannula in I started to feel sick again and gave them a warning seconds before I passed out again.

With each pass out I was getting colder and colder. It was a very cold night but I felt like I was in a freezer! They got me into the ambulance after receiving some fluids and proceeded on the longest drive to the hospital ever. The hospital is only around a 10 – 15minute drive away but it felt like it took a lot longer than that. This was my third time in an ambulance and I have come to realise that the journey in the back seems to take twice as long as it would any other time. Not sure if it’s because you can’t see anything out the windows so there are no reference points or just being sick or injured. Maybe both.

We got to the hospital and a nurse started checking me in. She said is there any chance you could be pregnant. I replied with I better bloody not be. I must admit I hate that question because if you are having sex there is always a chance you could be pregnant. I told her my story about having a premie baby and Hellp syndrome and she told me she had also had Hellp syndrome but at a much later stage so she could deliver naturally.  Now I was scared, what if I was pregnant? I want to be in peek physical condition when we next try for a baby because I am so high risk and have so many potential complications. They moved me to a bed and as they were helping me move across my head started bleeding again. Apparently my blood pressure was so low the bleeding had stopped and now that it was climbing back up the bleeding had started again.

Jared arrived just in time to see them fix up my wound, they didn’t want to use stitches because it would probably scar and on closer inspection the cut was too deep for glue so they used a tape that works the same as stitches. After that I had to wait to be taken for a cat scan. They wanted to check my head and my check for further injuries AND check for any blood clots on my lungs because of my history. Now I was even more worried. Please please please no more blood clots. The cat scan that checking for blood clots on the lungs is terrible, I would almost rather any other test. I was transferred to the machine table and hooked up to a machine that injects a liquid for the cat scan machine to see into my lungs. The dye brings the taste of nail polish to your mouth and noise and is so intense it makes me feel sick and my favourite reaction is where you get this hot rush through your body that makes you think you have peed your pants. So much fun.

I waited anxiously for the results. Not pregnant and no blood clots thank god. I really didn’t want to deal with either of those nightmares right now. The doctors where still concerned because it’s obviously not normal to pass out so regularly and I kept setting the monitor off with an erratic heart rate. They wanted to keep me in for further observation but I convinced them to send me home so I could sleep. The referred me to a cardiologist to look into the erratic heart rate and if that comes up with nothing they said I needed to go to something called a syncope clinic where they would do a bunch of tests to try and get to the bottom of my episodes. I was happy to go home but I really didn’t want to add more specialists and tests to my ever growing list.

I spent the weekend and most of the week recovering. My head hurt a lot, Logan head-butting me right on the cut didn’t help with that and I was also finding it hard to get my energy back. On Sunday night Jared came down with a stomach bug and was so incredibly sick, it was horrible. He called in sick Monday from work after spending all Sunday night throwing up. Maybe what I had was part of the same bug, although I never threw up.

It’s been a couple of weeks and I have been to see the cardiologist who did an ECG that apparently was fine as well as an ultrasound of my heart which was also fine. I will have to go back tomorrow to have a 24hr heart monitor put on to see if there is still irregular heart beat happening but if that shows nothing then I will have to make an appointment at the syncope clinic.

With all this going on we decided to hire a painter to finish upstairs and the living areas downstairs. He has one last room to complete tomorrow and it’s been fantastic. So quick and easy I don’t know why we didn’t do it sooner. The work on rebuilding the deck is slow but progressing and today Jared took the car to get our logo stamped all over it and it looks fantastic! We are so close to getting the house on the market and now Jared has stopped working it’s really getting exciting. On Sunday we are hosting a big party to celebrate Logan’s first Birthday and then on Monday we head to Fraser Island for a two week trip with friends where we will be using the opportunity to test all our set up and equipment. Hopefully this will show us if any of our equipment isn’t up to scratch or if we need to get anything else. I have been feeling very guilty over how long it’s been since I’ve put up a blog post but with the Fraser Island trip just days away there are some exciting blogs AND vlogs coming so keep your eyes out for that.

Week three update:

brush painting the white wall
Photo by Kaboompics .com on

More and more things have been sold online. Bit by bit things are disappearing and now that everything that we are selling in the garage sale is out in the garage, the house is feeling much more manageable although it is still a mess. Jared and I are painting most nights after Logan has gone to sleep and have now finished the two downstairs bedrooms, the hallway and we are moving on to the dining room.

Tuesday night we had our favourite car guys from Torqued 2 Spec around at our houselast night to discuss the upgrades we want to do to the car, which consisted of me saying over and over again ‘but how much does that cost’ and ‘how much have we spent now’. It’s hard to stop  yourself going overboard because we are going to be depending on this car for such a long time and we want to make sure it’s up to the challenge and is going to do everything we need it to whilst not adding in cool gadgets that are not really necessary or are not making like a lot easier.

Our friend Kris is coming over this weekend to babysit so that Jared and I can really get a move on with the painting. We are hoping to build the spare room bed again and move downstairs with Logan this weekend so we can start on upstairs and hopefully finish.

The Deck rebuild has started and is now just a frame. A couple of beams have been eaten by termites and need to be replaced which is an additional cost we had luckily already budgeted for however we had not budgeted for the stairs leading from the garage to the back garden being rotten and needing to be replaced as it’s the only access point.

The weekend was absolutely mental starting on Saturday with us starting the second coat of the downstairs hallway and painting the entrance porch outside and the front door. The front door and entrance is not finished yet but it’s already looking miles better. In particular I love the fact the front door is now blue instead of bright orange (why didn’t we do that sooner?). Saturday afternoon Kris came to babysit while we went to Bunning’s hardware which took us two hours and a lot of money, but totally worth it. I am not sure how we managed to fit a new vanity and a new laundry tub into my Subaru Forester as well as a laundry bench-top, blinds, curtains, two large tubs of paint and new tap ware.

Sunday we took out the old laundry tub and painted the laundry then disassembled Logan’s cot and moved it downstairs. Logan is starting to show signs of crawling so his Cot needed to be taken apart to be lowered anyway. We then built the spare bed downstairs for us to move into and painted Logan’s nursery with its first coat of paint and removed the old brown blinds from the upstairs hallway. All the trim in the downstairs is white but upstairs it’s still old fashioned and brown so we will have to update it all the white. Luckily my mum was able come and watch Logan while most of this was going on especially when we realised his second tooth was coming through and that’s why he was being irritable.

The very exciting task I did achieve Sunday was to buy decorations for Logan’s 1st birthday party which is less than a month away and I have started making enquires for a cake. It’s hard because he won’t remember this birthday so half of me says don’t go overboard but on the other hand he will only have one first birthday and we worked so hard to get him to this point it’s more of a celebration for Jared and myself, so of course what have I done? I have gone overboard!

We are absolutely exhausted and everything hurts from all the manual labour and I am currently crashed out on the couch watching Keep your daydream on YouTube to keep my motivation and excitement up. It’s amazing how hard you are willing to work when you decided you really want something and find small things to keep yourself motivated.

Next week is another big one. I have hired a gardener to come and curb the madness that is our garden and he should be starting on Monday. We also have friends coming over Monday night to give us a hand painting and plastering to try and get ahead with upstairs as I wanted it closer to done by today. I am going to try and spend this week packing more things away and adding more things to our garage sale piles. This time I am also hoping to do a letterbox drop to advertise another garage sale next Saturday. We are also hoping to launch something very exciting this week so keep an eye out on our Facebook page Stromlifeadventures!

The American Dream or the Millennial Dream?

home real estate
Photo by Binyamin Mellish on

We all know what the American dream is. I remember learning about it in school when we studied ‘The death of a salesman’ and even though I lived in Australia I could really identify with the idea of a white picket fence, manicured lawns and friendly neighbours I said howdy to as I collected the newspaper each morning. I look around at all my friends who are working so hard to make this dream a reality, who are all working crazy hours in high stress jobs to achieve the American dream or what I think should really be called the western civilisation dream. So what’s the millennial dream you ask? Well it seems like a bunch of Millennial’s and a few gen Y’s, such as my husband and I, are looking for something different. A way to spend their days doing something they love whilst having an amazing work life balance. YouTube is littered with people following the Millennial dream in so many wonderful ways like travelling the world, living off grid, building tiny houses or living in refurbished vans and buses, and most are living debt free (or close to it) and leaving a much smaller footprint on our fragile world.

This new trend in my opinion has been sparked by a few things, most obviously the internet. Throughout past generations there have been individuals seeking a different lifestyle from the norm that have had the odd book or magazine article written about them. Usually very little is known about their day to day life or how they make living in their alternative lifestyle, however with the launch of sites like YouTube, Facebook and Instagram the whole world has a detailed insight into how and why these lifestyles are being lived. Having such an insight into how people are achieving these alternate lifestyles makes them so much more accessible for the rest of us and they form a blue print for us to start our own dreams from. As time goes on and the internet reaches more and more corners of the globe, remote work spaces have helped more people be able to fund these lifestyle changes, meaning as long as they can get access to internet they can log on remotely to work normal jobs you would have had to attend an office for ten years ago!

Are Millennial’s lazy? I know a lot of gen X is under the impression that these alternative lifestyles have popped up out of laziness and simply not wanting to work. Our grandparent’s works so hard to make ends meet and give our parents the things that were needed in life followed by our parents who worked so hard to give us anything and everything we could ever want or need. I think watching these generations give so much every day to achieve the perfect house, car and newest gadgets has really made a lot of younger generations step back and say well I don’t actually need all of this stuff so I don’t need to work as hard. In saying that I think you will find a lot of these people are actually working extremely hard however with the flexibility of online work they have a much nicer work life balance and are better able to juggle their work life and their dreams.

So what will it be the American dream or the Millennial dream? After trying the American dream for a few years I think it’s time we give the millennial dream a shot and see where it takes us. It is going to be a huge adjustment for us; more specifically I mean changing the way of thinking that has been seared into our brains from birth. In the end if you don’t change and try new things you will never know if the grass is greener on the other side or if it was all just an illusion caused by light reflecting off the sun.

Week 2 of the de-clutter



The online sales have slowed right down. Last week I was on a massive roll and this week is slow. The mountains of stuff piled up in the lounge room and dining room are making me anxious and frustrated. Jared and I are at a bit of a stalemate because he wants to spend the weekend painting and I want to have a garage sale. His reasoning is that the painting will take the longest and we can’t sell the house until it’s painted which is all true. My point is that I can’t live with all this stuff everywhere and it will need to be gone to paint anyway. The more stuff you have to move around while painting the harder it is. Also the garage needs to be emptied this weekend so the builders can get a trailer in there to start work on the deck and the only access to the back garden is in through the garage. We could spend Saturday for a half day on the garage sale then take everything left to the charity shop then spend all Sunday painting.

It’s already Wednesday today and the week is closing in fast so if the garage sale is to go ahead signs need to be made (thank god for those left over pizza boxes), price tags need to be stuck on to things and everything needs to be sorted into areas. I might see if tonight Jared can help me move some things in the garage to make room and I can start setting up the tables in there and moving things out to get it ready. I will need another hanging rail from somewhere so I might put up a post on the local Facebook page to see if anyone can lend me one for the weekend. The thought of all this is completely

Sunday evening has already rolled around and boy has it been a hectic week. My good intentions to get us back onto our Keto diet have failed massively with the appearance of Logan’s 1st tooth on top of a growth spurt along with Jared and myself painting till 11pm every night completing two bedrooms and getting a start on the hallway.

We spent all day on Saturday and Sunday on our Garage sale getting up at 6am to set up and open the doors for 7am. I won’t say it was a complete success but it defiantly was worth it and we have learnt a lot of things to make the next one better. We finished the weekend exhausted but $1,100 richer. The best part of the sale was meeting some great people. Everyone was very supportive of our plans and had some great advice to share. It was surprising that a few people had done something similar, one lady had taken her four children around Europe for over 7 months and couldn’t speak more passionately about the fun and adventure her family experienced.

What’s planned for this week you ask? Most likely the never ending chore of painting along with selling more things on Facebook and Gumtree, hiring a graphic designer to create an amazing logo for us, setting up our Patreon account and draft some sponsorship proposals up. We might have to slow down a bit this week due to my body rebelling. I am nothing but aches, pains and sniffles. Overall we have had a very successful week, although there is still a long way to go to reach our goal however after chatting with everyone at our garage sale we are feeling pumped and motivated to press on.



The Life Changing Power of Diet

bowl of vegetable salad and fruits
Photo by Trang Doan on

If you have read my Blog detailing all the curve balls life has thrown us in the less than 5 years Jared and I have been together, you can probably understand how hard exercise has been. Since our car accident I have been suffering with a lot of pain mostly in my hips and my lower back into my legs which has made it difficult to exercise. I have given it a good go over the years, trying everything and I mean everything including Hydrotherapy, Physiotherapy, private Pilates, Chiropractic and personal trainers. Although every one of these services has made some difference I still find I am in pain almost every day and still overweight.

When I found out I was Pregnant I weighed 122Kg. The day Logan was born I was down to 120kg and after he was born I weighed 119kg and I knew something needed to change. Through recommendations on Facebook I found a different sort of Personal trainer who works with fixing the source of the pain and where it is stemming from in the body. For example my neck was hurting and after trying a few different things he found the pain was coming a little bit from the muscles in my ribs needing some release, as well as my neck itself, however the biggest pain relief came from scar tissue he found in my stomach that he massaged out. Finally I am starting to see great results and actually having pain free days.

One day I found a documentary on Netflix called ‘The Magic Pill’ which talks about clean eating and the Keto diet as well as what carbohydrates and what processed food is doing to our bodies. I was so moved by this documentary that as soon as Jared was home from work I asked him to watch it with me again. Jared was just as moved as I was, especially when they talked about the way that glucose fuels cancer cells and how simple it was to change. Needless to say we both made a commitment to start the Keto Diet right away.

So what is Keto? Keto is a high fat, moderate protein low carbohydrate diet. Nothing artificial and no sugar, only good healthy fats with every meal and tons of vegetables. With the vegetables and fruits you do need to be careful because a lot of vegetables are high in carbohydrates. For example if I eat a punnet of strawberries in a day I have blown my carb allowance for the whole day.

So what happened? In the first few weeks Jared dropped a lot of weight (average 4kgs per week for the first month) and I lost a little weight but more inches on the waist, but the benefits I feel are far better than mere weight loss. Suddenly I had energy, more energy than I have had in years. At this point Logan was in his 4 month sleep regression and was waking up 4-6 times a night. Before Keto this would leave me sprawled out on the couch, drained of energy whenever he was napping. On Keto I was still tired but I was tired and doing 2 loads of washing, vacuuming the house, cooking 2 meals a day and playing with Logan so much more than I had before. That alone would motivate me to keep going on Keto but the difference in my pain levels was what really amazed me. Suddenly I was not just having pain free days I was having pain free weeks. I could move more freely and I didn’t feel as heavy, I felt light and springy. The swelling in my lower legs disappeared which made moving around a lot easier. I suddenly felt like a thin person trapped inside of a overweight person instead of a heavy, fat old lady who was falling apart.

Let’s talk about Dairy. I love dairy, especially cheese. I am known for saying that a life without cheese is not a life worth living, but in saying that I am actually Lactose intolerant. When I was a baby I was allergic to cow’s milk and was given soy instead. As an adult I still don’t really drink milk but when I have yogurts or cheeses especially in high quantities I would get bloated, diarrhoea, stomach cramps and clear the room kind of farts. For 3 weeks before we discovered Keto I decided to quit dairy because I was just sick of feeling this way and I must admit I felt so much better. When we started Keto I said to Jared that it was already such a restrictive diet so I would add dairy back in until we had the hang of it then I would cut it out again. 2 weeks in and I was putting dairy with every meal and was not getting any of my symptoms, 3 weeks and no symptoms, 4 weeks and no symptoms. Did this mean that I actually have never been lactose intolerant? Maybe the high sugar and carbohydrate as well as a bit of dairy was just too much for my body to process all together but without the carbohydrates and sugars my body has not problem digesting diary.

So where are we now? I got down to 107kg but I am now up again at 109kg due to Jared’s unexpected appendicitis. For the last 3 weeks we have been very unhealthy ordering pizza and Chinese food to make it easier. Jared was told he could not lift anything over 6kgs for 6 weeks which meant no holding Logan, so unfortunately that left me with a rather awkward juggling act and a need for quick easy meals.

So we have been off Keto for 3 weeks but what has happened? Although my weight gain hasn’t been extreme I have noticed my pain return. As I sit here on my bed writing this I have pain running down the left side of my neck and both hips are really painful, especially the left where my PT believes I have some nasty nerve damage. I also have pain radiating from my lower back down into my legs. I have experienced headaches and the carpel tunnel I contracted after pregnancy has returned. I must admit I don’t remember when it disappeared but I had it for at least 6 months or more after the pregnancy and I am also lacking in energy and tired all the time.

The return to Keto is going to be one of the most important steps to starting our journey. If we are going to have the energy to get the house ready with all the painting and repairs required (and If I’m actually going to be able to help without being in pain or making my pain worse) then we defiantly need to kick the carbs and up the fats. If we look further ahead to our trip itself it’s going to require a bunch of car time, which is something that always increases my pain and the swelling in my legs so Keto will defiantly be important for that.

I spent yesterday making healthy snacks and lunch for today as well as grocery shopping. For breakfast I have had 5 strawberries, 2 almond and date balls and a fruit juice (I know the high speed weight loss version of Keto is anti fruit but I do think it’s too important to forego). For lunch I made a lamb salad with spinach, lime, red onion, cucumber, asparagus and lamb. For dinner it will be steak, Brussels sprouts cooked in butter and bacon bits with green beans cooked in garlic. I decided this time I would go slower and easier on my journey back into Keto in stages.

Stage one – eat only healthy foods and lots of healthy snacks to curb the cravings

Stage two – cut out all snacks

Stage three – cut out breakfast

Stage four – lower the amount of dairy and meat we eat (this isn’t really a Keto thing just something I want to do to help save money).

We started Keto to lose the weight and get healthy, to give Logan the best life we could and to try and help lower the risk factor with a second baby, but what we found was something much better than weight….we found quality of life.

Our Emotional Attachment To Objects


Since we are selling everything we own and hitting the road I have had to take a real hard look at everything I own and weigh up not just if it brings joy to my life as everyone seems to say now days but also am I emotionally attached to this item and why. As someone who has filled the garage with boxes containing not only photos and birthday cards but also any note a friend ever wrote me at school and every school planner I ever received.

The first question is why did I choose to hang on to this stuff, I mean I never look at any of it? Is it that I am having trouble letting go of the adventures of my past? I started going through box by box and looking at everything I had kept and I thought this will be great I will take a photo of everything and share it with the people from my past so that we can all enjoy it. I quickly realised that no one really cared because really it was just bit of paper that don’t really mean anything. Most of this stuff when I really looked at it didn’t bring back great memories of adventures past or take me back through great memories. So after about 3 boxes I just started throwing everything out. I took digital photos on my phone of the photos but that’s about it. So far what I am left with is a small box of stuff that is a mix of a few items that do trigger a big memory and then there are the items I don’t feel like I have permission to throw out.

There are items in my memory boxes that I’m sure are also in yours that I do not feel like I have the right to chuck in the bin. When I was born I was given as gifts small jewellery to fit a baby and a set of silver hair brushes and looking mirrors. Now I don’t have any specific attachment to these items because well I was a baby and don’t even remember who the gifts came from however that doesn’t change that fact that I still feel a huge pang of guilt at the thought of discarding these items. So the question is do I keep them or maybe try to give them back to my mum and see if she wants them?

How can I have made so much progress in sifting through my past and memories and be stuck on these few items? I guess this goes to show that progress comes in waves and we are ever changing and evolving beings. One thing I will say about keeping all these items and looking through them is that I have come to realise I was a blog writer before blogging was a thing and I think that gave me just enough courage to start writing and posting these blogs.

Shall we move on to the big ticket items that also have guilt strings attached? Earlier this year we brought two big and expensive tv’s and 2 new sofa’s and although I keep telling myself “it’s just money” and “we enjoyed them for a few months if we sell them we can get some of the money back” I am still finding it hard to let these items go. I can imagine everyone saying “but you just brought all this stuff what a waste of money”. When I think about the decision we have made I am 100% sure it’s the right one. Not a single fibre in my body thinks this is a mistake and that is what is going to give me the courage and strength to get rid of these items.

Your memories will stay with you forever and no amount of items or keepsakes can take you back in time to those precious moments, all we have are our stories and our ability to create more memories and new precious moments. If you find you are hanging on to relics from the past maybe take a good look at them and ask yourself if, like me, you are hanging on to these items and memories in fear that there are no more adventures in your future. If this is you remember you’re the master of your own destiny and you can steer your ship in the direction of any adventure you choose.

Our Aforementioned Curve Balls



Life is a very funny thing isn’t it? Life seems to give you the greatest gifts and the greatest hardships wrapped in one neat package…or at least in the last few years this is how it has seemed.
A friend Jared worked with introduced us and we

quickly started dating. I use the term dating loosely really we were just sleeping together and hanging out. Neither of us were ready for a relationship. We had both just come out of long term relationships and Jared living on cruise ships. I spent months in an internal battle between trying to keep seeing Jared and trying to break up with him. One day I was at a friend’s house telling her how I had finally decided that I would break up with him when Jared called to tell me the bad news. Jared’s Father had been diagnosed with Bowl Cancer. I didn’t know what to do, obviously I couldn’t break up with him now but was I ready to help comfort someone through this hard time?
I went home to think about it and what I would do.

Such a difficult situation. When I walked in the door dad was sitting in his big red chair and started chatting to me about the weather, such a typical dad topic, when mum asked if I had heard my dad’s big news. My dad had gone for a stress test that uncovered he needed heart bypass surgery. I kid you not in the same night we both found out our Fathers were not the all powerful super heroes we had always seen them as. Apparently sometimes super heroes get hurt. It was around this time I realised I needed Jared as much as he needed me and our relationship seemed to grow as we comforted and distracted each other. It’s funny how sometimes life gives you exactly the thing you need to get through a situation even if you didn’t know you needed it at the time. This great guy had come into my life at just the right time and I am sure I came into his at just the right time as well, although Jared would find a less soppy way to put it. For date nights he would pick me up and we would drive to the hospital together and separate to visit our fathers on their different floors and then meet back up and drive home together. My dad came through his surgery well and made a quick recovery however for Jared’s dad the fight would continue through chemo and surgeries.
Six months passed and Life continued on as our relationship continued to grow until we decided to move in together just before a trip with friends to Japan. Of course life was not done with us and on the second day of our trip in Japan we hit the ski slopes. Now I happen to be a good skier and thought this was the perfect opportunity to impress Jared with my skills however it was the end of season and very icy and my ski slipped on a bit of ice and I twisted a ligament in my knee. I was put on crutches and given a bunch of pills to take and spend most of the trip spaced out playing solitaire in the hotel bar. As the week progressed my leg got worse and worse. By the time we had made it back to Tokyo I could barely walk. We went to see more doctors and was given more painkillers and more crutches as well as an MRI. Landing back in Australia and after seeing a few specialists I found out I also had developed DVT, blood cloths in my right leg. I was put on 6 weeks of bed rest and drugs to stop the blood clots moving around my body and start shrinking them.
Of course life had other plans for me and 2 weeks into my bed rest I started to get bad chest pains. I thought maybe it was all in my head. I am known as a bit of a hypochondriac to say the least but after hours of pain and only when I started to have trouble breathing I went to emergency. After some testing they discovered one of my blood clots had broken off in my leg and travelled up to land on my lung. Ouch. I was in hospital for 3 days on morphine and oxygen then released to continue my bed rest.
Now this is where you are going to think I am making things up but I can promise you this is true. 3 days after being released from hospital I was thoroughly stir crazy and begged Jared to take me out of the house. We were doing 70kph when the car hit us. Great another curve ball. Jared broke his shoulder blade, his sternum and some toes and was in hospital over-night. Me on the other hand, well I was on Blood thinners which make you very susceptible to bruising to say the least and internal bleeding to say the worst. I was taken to hospital with bad abdominal lacerations and bruising, a broken sternum and a hematoma in my stomach. They kept me in hospital for 4 days while they waited to make sure there was no bad internal bleeding and while I had physio to help me walk again, I was struggling having just come off crutches and the agony of a hematoma right next to my right hip made it very difficult. Jared was taken home to his parent’s house to be looked after and when I was released I was taken to be looked after by mine. I was not allowed to be left alone for a few days and had to be followed to the bathroom because I was too unstable on my feet. I might just add that the car was a write off.
Life slowly returned to normal and Jared and I moved back in together, luckily we lived above my parents house because I needed a lot of help. I couldn’t drive and had developed PTSD and freaked out every time I was in a car. I had physio appointments, hydro therapy appointments, and vascular specialist appointments for my blood clots and counselling for my PTSD. My parents were amazing cooking us meals and driving me places and, once he was able too, Jared took over all the cleaning jobs including helping me dress and shower. As time went on more injuries presented themselves including terrible lower back pain and shooting electric pain down my neck and into my shoulder blade whenever I moved my head to the right to far or too quickly.
Life trickled onward and I slowly got better. I went to work for my mum because my employer became…..shall we say unsympathetic towards my recovery and lack of ability to complete my tasks at work. I really don’t blame her, it must have put a huge strain on the company after all I was amazing and did a lot for the company (I’m modest too) and referred to myself as office Jesus. All this time Jared’s dad had been undergoing chemo and surgery and after almost a year of battling he passed away. I don’t want to go into this too much because it will always be one of the hardest things we have gone through and the intense stress almost destroyed us as a couple. You always expect life to stop when something this big happens but it doesn’t it just keeps on trickling past. I must admit this time is a bit of a blur of sorrow and stress so I will fast forward to about a year after.
Life was better and we were happy again. Jared proposed. Our relationship had been put to the test and we had passed and were now stronger than ever. I didn’t even hesitate to say yes because not only was Jared my best friend, but if our relationship could survive all this then we were strong enough to get through anything! Life was finally throwing some good stuff our way. We brought a house, a big house, enough for the three kids we wanted and one we could live in forever. We were finally living the dream. This is our year we kept telling each other and it was. We furnished our house and planned our wedding and dreamed of our future together. 9 weeks before our wedding we found out we were pregnant and we couldn’t have been happier.
I had always imagined what it would be like to be pregnant and I can honestly say it was like nothing I imagined. Pregnancy sucked. I would tell everyone don’t get pregnant its terrible just don’t do it. Although I know pregnancy is not pleasant for a lot of people I was actually pretty sick but being my first pregnancy I thought it was normal and that pregnancy just sucked. I was medicated at 8 weeks for high blood pressure but my obstetrician told me it was nothing to worry about and I would be fine. As the pregnancy progressed I felt worse and worse. I couldn’t eat and lost 12kg in the first trimester. I spent most of the second trimester trying to catch up and eat as much as I could but I had no energy and found it a struggle to get through the day. When I was around 24 or 25 weeks I was driving home and I started to feel very weird. It felt like my head wasn’t part of my body and my arms felt like they were heavy and were not mine. If any of you have ever passed out it kind of felt like that moment just after you regain consciousness where half your body feels heavy but your head feels light and spacey. Jared took me to the hospital and they check baby and they checked to make sure I didn’t have preeclampsia because my blood pressure was a bit high. They sent me home and the next day I went to see my obstetrician who put me on more medication for my blood pressure. Around 2 weeks later I felt really sick again with similar symptoms and went back to hospital. This time they confirmed I had developed preeclampsia and kept me in over night to monitor and get my blood pressure down. A week later we went for a long weekend to the snow. Jared and I love the snow, just walking around in the cold and looking at the scenery.
On the Sunday I woke up at 5am feeling absolutely terrible. I took my blood pressure with a machine I had brought and it was high. We waited a bit and rested but it didn’t go down so we packed up and started driving towards Canberra to go to the hospital there which was an hour away. Once we got to Canberra I felt a little better and decided to maybe eat something and see if we could make it back to Sydney to go to my hospital. I had a nap in the car and woke up feeling fine and my blood pressure was back to normal. We got home and had a nap before Jared went to his cousins engagement party which I convinced Jared I was also well enough to attend and at the time I did feel well enough, but by this time I had realised something wasn’t quite right with our pregnancy and I spent the night subtly trying to prepare family that our baby might come a bit early.
At 5am the next morning I woke up again feeling terrible, Blood Pressure up. Jared took me to the hospital and they kept me in all day and night. The next morning my blood pressure was finally down and they said they would discharge me. Before the papers had even been typed up I rang the nurse bell to let them know my blood pressure had gone back up. By this point I could feel it and know that horrible feeling that had been plaguing me most of my pregnancy was my blood pressure rising. My Obstetrician sent me downstairs for a growth scan to see what was happening with my baby. I was 27 weeks and my last scan was at 20 weeks where they had told me baby was on track. I don’t know if the 20 week scan was read wrong or if in just 7 weeks everything had changed because suddenly I was being told things like my placenta was small and something about a blood flow issue through the umbilical cord.
Everything then was a bit of a rush, my obstetrician came in and told me to call my husband and get him in. She told me that my baby was very small and that my high blood pressure was causing blockages in the umbilical cord. She gave me a shot of steroids and told me that I would have to be transferred to a hospital that had a NICU unit because they couldn’t look after babies that small in this hospital. Once Jared arrived I explained to him that I was going to have to stay in hospital till the baby was born and that I was being transferred to be monitored at a different hospital. I was in hospital a week until Logan was born. Every day they took my bloods in the morning and then monitored the baby for 30mins. Every 2-3 days I had a growth scan to see how baby was progressing.
Apparently everything we had gone through up to now as a couple was to prepare us for this moment. We had a tour of the NICU unit (intensive care for new babies) and met with doctors who threw a lot of statistics our way. As I had test after test and was monitored constantly and faced with the possibility that not only could our baby not survive but it was also starting to look a little scary for me. Not once did I even consider that we were not strong enough as a couple to get through this.
It was a Sunday morning when a bunch of doctors entered my hospital room asking where my husband was and how quick he could get here. Great here we go again. My blood had shown I had developed something called HELLP Syndrome. From what I know about HELLP Syndrome is that it’s a kind of add on to Preeclampsia and about 3% of women who develop preeclampsia will go on to develop HELLP Syndrome. HELLP Syndrome causes your liver to shut down and your blood platelets to drop so that your blood stops clotting.Time was sensitive because as time went on my liver would continue to shut down until either I was cured by not having a baby inside me anymore or I died of liver failure. What did this mean for me and my baby? Well at 28 weeks he was too small to deliver naturally so a C section was the only option but I couldn’t have an epidural because an injection into my spine would cause internal bleeding because my blood couldn’t clot anymore so this meant the only option was a C section under general anaesthetic.
I was moved up to the birthing suite and Jared arrived followed shortly by my parents. I was given a bunch of drugs that made me feel really sick, still not sure what they were or what they were for and after a few hrs of drugs and monitoring while we waited for my breakfast to be digested it was time for surgery. I was also weighed and found out I still weighed 2kgs less than when I found out I was pregnant. The doctors and surgeons came in and out of the room excitedly telling me all the preparations they had made. According to them this was a big deal because they never get to prepare for Hellp syndrome surgeries as the patients always come in via ambulance and are rushed straight into theatre but since I had eaten breakfast and they had no choice but to wait for my stomach to empty they had the time to make all these extra preparations. Apparently my coping mechanism through all this was really bad jokes. I basically became Chandler Bing from Friends joking with all the surgeons saying things like if they were trying to recreate an dramatic hospital scene from a movie there needed to be dramatic music and asking if they had seen the British comedy Green Wing and did they all joke like that once patients where under. Unfortunately no-one had seen it so I am still waiting to find out the answer to that question. Once we got down to the surgery they couldn’t put me under straight away because any anaesthetic I was given would also go into Logan’s system and make it harder to revive him, all babies this small need to be revived on birth. They gave me a couple of general anaesthetics in my arm to numb it so they could cut into my artery to monitor my blood pressure that way.
I must admit I didn’t ask many questions about this because I really didn’t want to know. I am not good with blood and injections and after their 3rd failed attempted I made the mistake of glancing down quickly and there was so much blood. I’m guessing they eventually succeeded because I was then put on the operating table and towels where tucked under certain parts of my body to prop me into position. I was pretty much naked with my hospital gown up around my shoulders and it was freezing, I was shaking uncontrollably and they kept telling me to stop shaking so I could get my blood pressure down but it was so cold in the theatre! The surgeons where not the only ones excited by this delivery, there were 17 people in the operation theatre including nurses, midwifes, doctors, 2 anethetists, students and a whole team from the NICU just for Logan. Next thing I know I am being wheeled down a hallway into a lift on my way to ICU. My stomach felt weird and empty and wrong. I know I had gone through a C-section to save my life and my baby’s but I still couldn’t help but feeling resentment to the doctors and nurses. It honestly felt like they had stolen my baby from me. Maybe that was the drugs, mum did say I was very out of it and talking nonsense for hours. Apparently the drugs they gave me to help keep my blood pressure down mixed with the anaesthetic would make it very hard to wake up and I would spend a few hours disorientated.
I can honestly say without being over dramatic that what followed were the worst hours of my whole life. I was in pain from the surgery and on top of that I had been given drugs to help my uterus shrink quickly to lessen the chance of internal bleeding. I hadn’t seen Logan and got almost no information about him. Jared had seen him and shown me some pictures but I felt really disconnected from them. There were people in the pictures, and medical equipment and plastic and it was really hard to look at. Jared went home to sleep he was exhausted after a stressful day and I concentrated on pressing the pain killer button as often as possible.
After a few hrs I thought I would call mum to get my mind off the pain. What’s that coming another small curve ball? That’s right while I was on the phone to my mum Jared was getting T-boned in another car accident. He was fine but my car was a bit banged up. Not really the extra stress we needed but these things happen….well they at least happen to us.
The night continued on and the pain continued as well. Around 2am I realised that if I kept pressing the pain killer button they would not discharge me from ICU and if they didn’t discharge me from ICU I couldn’t meet my son. I spent the rest of the night and morning using all the willpower I had to not press the button and suffer as long as I could. Although it was hard it paid off because around 10am when the doctors came for rounds they said “she hasn’t pressed for pain meds much since 2am only a couple of times so I think we can discharge her back to maternity”. Yes! My plan worked amazingly! At this point I begged the nice nurse who was looking after me for some oral pain killers but unfortunately there want much she could give me because my liver still wasn’t functioning properly. The next few hrs were painful for a different reason…waiting.
I had to wait for the discharge papers from ICU then wait for a transfer to come and push me back to maternity. Getting into the wheelchair was horrible and I won’t even talk about getting out of the ICU bed. Then I had to wait to be readmitted into maternity then wait for them to check my blood pressure etc. Finally at around 4pm and over 24hrs after he was born I got to meet my son and look at him in a plastic box. The pictures Jared sent could not have prepared me for how small he was. Weighting 733grams he could fit in your hand with just his legs hanging down your wrist. It’s was another few days before I was allowed to touch him and over a week before I was allowed to ‘hold him’ which consisted of 2 nurses manoeuvring him and all these tubes and cables to sit on my chest. For weeks and months I dreamed of the day I would be able to just pick him up and I will tell you the day I did finally pick him up out of the bed and hold him in my arms with no wires or breathing tubes was an amazing day.
I was in hospital a week after Logan was born and the walk up to the NICU one floor above was painful, I wasn’t even allowed paracetamol and my C-section scar was bigger than most so they would have plenty of room to get him out quickly so I found walking incredibly painful. I told Jared to have a friend over to help him de-stress and keep him company but the next morning I was released and Jared had to leave his friend at our house while he came and picked me up. Originally I had said for him to drop his friend home then swing by and get me but the nurses kept coming in telling me to go and how long was I going to be. Apparently once they decide you can leave maternity you better run. Jared picked me up and with every kilometre we drove from the hospital my heart broke a little bit more leaving my baby behind. It honestly felt like my heart was a string and one end was attached to him and it just kept unravelling the further we got until it was pulled so tight. Once we got home Jared made me comfortable and took his friend home. I tried to watch some YouTube vloggers that I loved like the Sacconejolys but they have kids and seeing their happy family all together brought me to tears and by the time Jared was home I was crying uncontrollably. We got in the car and drove back to the hospital so I could make sure Logan was alright. Of course he was fine and leaving him every day was just a heartache I would have to get used to.
Breastfeeding was my constant source of suffering and misery. Everyone says “breast is best” and “it’s so natural” well for me it wasn’t. I didn’t have a baby I could feed so I was attached to a machine all day and night like a cow pumping every 2 hours. My daily routine went something like this.
5.30am – wake up and pump
6.00am – get dressed really quick
6.15am – get in the car and have Jared drive me on the hour long trip to the hospital before he went to work
7.30 am – after putting my lunch in the fridge and saying a quick hello to baby and the nurse’s then pump
8.00am – wash my pump kit and listen to what the doctors said on rounds
8.30 – do cares which involves changing Logan’s nappy, taking the hat holding his breathing mask off and cleaning his ear and eyes, helping the nurse change the mask so that baby doesn’t get a permanent mask indentation and clean his nose. Then push his feed slowly into the tube that went into his mouth and down into his tummy. He was fed every 2hrs.
9.00am – Eat Breakfast
9.30am – Pump
This repeated until Jared picked me up after work sometime between 6-7pm then drive the hour home and pump again and make or order food and then pump again and sleep waking up in the middle of the night to pump again. Every morning when I arrived the nurse would ask how my pumping went and how much milk I had to give baby for the day. This was followed sometime in the morning by the lactation specialist stopping by asking how my pumping was going and how much milk had I got. Mid morning Logan’s nurse would go on break and another nurse would come and watch over him usually asking me how my pumping was going and how much milk I had got. In the afternoon a new nurse would come to relieve Logan’s nurse while they had lunch and they always wanted to know how my pumping was going and how much milk I had got. The evenings were a different story as a new nurse would come who was going to stay with Logan all night and of course they would want to know how my pumping was going and how much milk I had got. I have never felt like more of a failure in my life. I was already feeling like a failure from getting sick, I know it’s not my fault and there is nothing I could have done to prevent it but because of me and my sickness my baby was forced to come into the world early and now he was sick and on top of me making him sick I couldn’t even feed him.
Around 4 weeks after Logan was born he suffered from something call Serratia which led to pneumonia and Logan being moved to Isolation and Jared’s first and unforgettable Fathers Day where we were informed on arrival that Logan had chocked on his vomit that morning and turned blue. Luckily he was revived although they were about to put him on the defibrillator any minute. Hearing that your son had almost died and you were not there with him was devastatingly hard for me and poor Jared will never forget his first Fathers Day for all the wrong reasons. What made matters worse was that we were not called. The hospital never called to tell us about the move to isolation or about the close call. We showed up to the hospital and walked to his incubator crib to find it wasn’t there. This did give me a bit of a trust issue. It was hard enough not being with Logan at all times but now I was always worried when I wasn’t there what they were not telling me. I got so worked up in my head I considered bringing in an inflatable mattress and sleeping next to his crib. Luckily Jared talked me out of this.
By the time Logan was 5 weeks old my milk supply was still not doing very well and I was close to having an emotional breakdown. I was so tired from pumping every 2hrs and travelling to the hospital to sit there all day every day trying not to freak out every time the monitor went off to show Logan wasn’t getting enough oxygen and the bloody nurses with their incessant questions about my failing milk supply. After following the above schedule one day and only getting 10ml after each pump I made the hard decision to quit and have Logan just get formula which he was mostly getting anyway. Failing had never felt so good; it was like the weight of the world had come off my shoulders.
2 days after I quit breastfeeding I started to feel unwell and panicked, I can’t stay here in the hospital and make Logan sick so I left straight away and called my Dad to pick me up and take me home and went straight to bed. By the time Jared had returned home from work I had a fever and was hallucinating, talking rubbish about being in a medieval war or something. Poor Jared, he has spent the last few months watching his family suffer over and over again. I was taken to hospital by ambulance where they ran tests. Turned out I had developed not one but 3 blood clots on my right lung, 2 large and one small. Great just what we needed more life threatening situations but on the plus side the tests showed my liver was functioning normally again. I spent 3 days in hospital while they got my fever down, ran more tests and started my medication. I was told I would have to stop breastfeeding because they were still not sure if blood thinners could be passed on through breast milk. So after weeks and weeks of agonising about whether or not to keep breastfeeding and how much of a failure I had felt I would have had to quit anyway.
After I got home from hospital Jared made me promise I would take one day off from the hospital each week to see friends and rest which was not easy and if I am being honest I did sometimes trick him into taking me on my days off but it really was the best thing for me. They are still doing tests now almost 11months later for my blood clots. I tested positive whilst in hospital for an antibody called lupus (not lupus the disease) that affects the way your blood clots. We are still trying to determine if this antibody is permanent or was a result of stress on the body from being so sick. Fingers crossed I don’t have it because that might mean blood thinners for life.
Logan had 3 courses of antibiotics whilst in hospital before his pneumonia cleared up. Because of this he was on breathing support for longer than we had hoped and missed the natural window where babies have an instinct to suck and go for the bottle or breast. This meant teaching him to drink from a bottle and was the reason he was in almost a month longer than expected.
How is Logan now? He is perfect, a little small but perfect. He still has a catch up with a paediatrician every couple of months to make sure he is still doing alright as well as seeing a physio every month to make sure he is hitting milestones. He is a little bit behind from the physios point of view and they haven’t been able to rule out the small possibility of Logan having cerebral palsy but I am sure he will be fine and if not we are defiantly strong enough to overcome any challenges.
What does this mean for our travels you may ask? Until Logan can walk he will have physio every 6 weeks but he will hopefully be doing that before we go overseas next year. We will also have to fly back to Australia once a year until Logan is 5 years old so he can have follow up testing at the hospital he was born at. All this is a little tricky but totally achievable. We are even discussing the possibility of travelling in Australia between when our house sells and when we leave for Europe with us either detouring back to Sydney for appointments or locking up the car for a few days and flying back and forth.
If you take anything at all away from this story it’s that sometimes things might seem hard and unfair and like the crap just keeps getting piled on top but sometimes things happen in life to shape us into the people we need to be to face the big challenges in life. As I write this it won’t surprise any of you to know Jared is recovering from having his appendix removed. Remember no one’s problems are bigger or smaller than another’s and you do not always know what another person or family is going through. I have had a hard time with jealousy in the last few days as I have been writing and reliving some of this pain and joy as my niece was born 2 days ago and while I am extremely excited and happy for my sister-in-law the little green monster rears its ugly head at every picture I get sent of them cuddling together in the hospital, birth pictures of them meeting the second she was born and breast feeding pictures which are all things I missed out on. Sometimes one person’s joy is another’s heartache. So be kind to one another and remember to cherish the good things life throws your way as well as having respect for the bad things and the journey of self discovery and growth they send you on. As I used to say to my husband ‘life may seem bad right now but one day you will look up and realise you are somewhere you never expected to be but it is good and you are happy’.

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